My Quarter Life Crisis

Well, I officially turned 23 this year on 3rd Feb, 2009. No Big Deal, since I'm not traveling at speeds more than that of light, I'm going to age forward only. (For more info on this, do read "How to build a Time Machine" by Paul Davies, awesome book there...) Anyways, the point is, this birthday was unique since it was the first time probably that I "celebrated" this day away from my home and family. It kind of brought home some sort of awareness, since the last 9 months of my life have not been the same as they were for the last 22 years. Some things, or rather many things have changed after I left the cozy comfort of family, friends and college. This new life, where I go to "work" is not something I could take less seriously since with freedom and power comes greater responsibility and bigger challenges. And I'm not really sculpted for them yet. Though the iron hammer of life and the experiences I'm undergoing act as the required heat/catalyst to mold me as an individual (Don't think much about metallurgy references there), I realized that day, that indeed, I'm also undergoing some of the symptoms of the well known Quarter Life Crisis.

According to the Wiki, The quarterlife crisis (QLC) is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis. This is what being in twenties something makes me think about.

It was only after I came to Oracle, Hyderabad and after I stopped going along with the crowd, I started realizing that there are many things about me that I didn't know and some of them were something that I myself don't like. Due to the things I feel I'm good at and due to the things I hate myself I did get me that mixed feeling of being confident and insecure at the same time about where I will be in a year or two. And then I get scared because I barely know what I'm capable of doing and what not.

I started realizing that some people are really selfish and would go to the extreme to achieve their ends and maybe some of the friends that I hanged out with earlier aren't really the greatest people living on Earth as I get to meet new people. Also, its a really sad thing to acknowledge that some of the friends with whom I lost touch with are those I am missing the most. Maybe everyone isn't really so cold, mean or insincere because even they might be undergoing this same state of confusion.

One thing that I like though is at least I got to choose the right job that I wanted. It would have been a personal disaster had I been working with something that was not even close to what I had planned. Although, it does make me aware of how vast the canvas of professional life can extend if everyone tries their level best to succeed, whether it's about PG programs, scaling up the ladder or becoming an entrepreneur!!

My opinions about some things have really gotten stronger. Whether it's about communism or equality, about balancing personal and professional life, about India as a country - (is it really united due to the religion diversity ?? ) or about my beliefs, I now really am looking out to find a purpose to my existence. And at the same time I'm questioning more and more about why the universe has formed the way it is and about meta physical things like God and Death. Someone needs to provide me these answers real fast or I'm soon going to suffer with insomnia!!

I can understand and judge other people why they are doing things in a certain way and I constantly update my list of things of what is acceptable and what is not. What is good and what is bad are really relative. And this scares me to no end.

Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry with the greatest force in my life over what's going on around me. Talk of being alone, confused and scared. Suddenly, change is the enemy and I try to refuse to come out of the shell that I hibernated in the last 22 years. But I can't really cling on to whats dear to me since the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

Some people affected by QLC get their heart broken and wonder how someone they loved could do such damage to them. Or they lie in bed and wonder why they can't meet anyone decent enough that they want to get to know better. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. They go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with their friends about the same topics because they cannot seem to make a decision. They worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now everyone would just like to be a contender!

I believe many people in their twenties something might relate to the QLC factor. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure out what really this whole thing called LIFE is all about.

Please let me know if anyone has some cure for this "Quarter Life Crisis". Please feel free to post your comments by clicking here.