My Quarter Life Crisis

Well, I officially turned 23 this year on 3rd Feb, 2009. No Big Deal, since I'm not traveling at speeds more than that of light, I'm going to age forward only. (For more info on this, do read "How to build a Time Machine" by Paul Davies, awesome book there...) Anyways, the point is, this birthday was unique since it was the first time probably that I "celebrated" this day away from my home and family. It kind of brought home some sort of awareness, since the last 9 months of my life have not been the same as they were for the last 22 years. Some things, or rather many things have changed after I left the cozy comfort of family, friends and college. This new life, where I go to "work" is not something I could take less seriously since with freedom and power comes greater responsibility and bigger challenges. And I'm not really sculpted for them yet. Though the iron hammer of life and the experiences I'm undergoing act as the required heat/catalyst to mold me as an individual (Don't think much about metallurgy references there), I realized that day, that indeed, I'm also undergoing some of the symptoms of the well known Quarter Life Crisis.

According to the Wiki, The quarterlife crisis (QLC) is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis. This is what being in twenties something makes me think about.

It was only after I came to Oracle, Hyderabad and after I stopped going along with the crowd, I started realizing that there are many things about me that I didn't know and some of them were something that I myself don't like. Due to the things I feel I'm good at and due to the things I hate myself I did get me that mixed feeling of being confident and insecure at the same time about where I will be in a year or two. And then I get scared because I barely know what I'm capable of doing and what not.

I started realizing that some people are really selfish and would go to the extreme to achieve their ends and maybe some of the friends that I hanged out with earlier aren't really the greatest people living on Earth as I get to meet new people. Also, its a really sad thing to acknowledge that some of the friends with whom I lost touch with are those I am missing the most. Maybe everyone isn't really so cold, mean or insincere because even they might be undergoing this same state of confusion.

One thing that I like though is at least I got to choose the right job that I wanted. It would have been a personal disaster had I been working with something that was not even close to what I had planned. Although, it does make me aware of how vast the canvas of professional life can extend if everyone tries their level best to succeed, whether it's about PG programs, scaling up the ladder or becoming an entrepreneur!!

My opinions about some things have really gotten stronger. Whether it's about communism or equality, about balancing personal and professional life, about India as a country - (is it really united due to the religion diversity ?? ) or about my beliefs, I now really am looking out to find a purpose to my existence. And at the same time I'm questioning more and more about why the universe has formed the way it is and about meta physical things like God and Death. Someone needs to provide me these answers real fast or I'm soon going to suffer with insomnia!!

I can understand and judge other people why they are doing things in a certain way and I constantly update my list of things of what is acceptable and what is not. What is good and what is bad are really relative. And this scares me to no end.

Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry with the greatest force in my life over what's going on around me. Talk of being alone, confused and scared. Suddenly, change is the enemy and I try to refuse to come out of the shell that I hibernated in the last 22 years. But I can't really cling on to whats dear to me since the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

Some people affected by QLC get their heart broken and wonder how someone they loved could do such damage to them. Or they lie in bed and wonder why they can't meet anyone decent enough that they want to get to know better. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. They go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with their friends about the same topics because they cannot seem to make a decision. They worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now everyone would just like to be a contender!

I believe many people in their twenties something might relate to the QLC factor. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure out what really this whole thing called LIFE is all about.

Please let me know if anyone has some cure for this "Quarter Life Crisis". Please feel free to post your comments by clicking here.

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Its a "Gentlemen's" game... NOT !

Incredible stuff was witnessed in Sydney in the beginning of new year 2008, where India lost out to a 13 man (?) Aussie team. Why 13? Read on...

Blunder # 1

Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting (hereby referred to as Punter, from the next time) nicked a Saurav Ganguly (Dada) delivery going down the leg side to the wicket keeper Mahendra Singh Dhoni. Punter, who was at 17, did not walk as umpire Benson turned down the Indian appeal. The skipper went on to score 55. The Indian team fought hard... reduced the Aussies to 134/6. But...

Blunder # 2
This one changed the course of the match. All rounder Andrew Symonds edged Ishant Sharma to Dhoni but to the horror of the fielding side, umpire Bucknor remained unmoved.

Blunder # 3
Symonds was given another reprieve when the third umpire "shockingly" erred in giving him out o a stumping appeal. The right hander went on to score an unbeaten 162 to take Australia to a massive score.

Blunder # 4
Another escape for Andrew Symonds as Bucknor turns down a close stumping appeal without even consulting the third umpire.

Blunder # 5
The only one which went India's way... Sachin Tendulkar survived a close leg before shout when on 38 before ironically going on to score his 38th century. The Indian team fought hard... and scored a mammoth 500+ total. But...

Blunder # 6
Benson turns down an Anil Kumble appeal for a leg before appeal against Michael Hussey despite the ball hit the batsman's pad plumb in front. Hussey who was on 22, went on to score a match turning century.

Blunder # 7
Benson at it again, Hussey edged one from RP Singh to Dhoni but both the batsman and the umpire were unmoved. Hussey was on 45 then, scored a 100 more later...

Blunder # 8
Having taken Hussey and Clarke in consecutive balls, Kumble seemed to have gotten his hattrick after having Symonds trapped LBW but Bucknor says, "No". Symonds scored a quickfire 61.

Blunder # 9
Probably the most horrifying one for the Indian team, Bucknor gives Rahul Dravid caught behind of Symonds despite the ball missing the bat by miles, yeah... miles !! At lease consult the third umpire if you are unsure, dude...

Blunder # 10
Saurav Ganguly is caught at slips by Michael Clarke but the catch appears to be have been "lifted" off the ground. However, instead of referring to third umpire, Benson checks with Ponting, who quite expectedly calls it clean. Ganguly stays ground. Ponting blurts out, "I'm saying you are out..." Ganguly then showed the finger by the men in white.

The second test match in the currently ongoing India-Australia test series has been a landmark one, which literally challenges the very basics of the game of the Cricket. Whether its the age old tradition of manual umpiring or the spirit of integrity and honesty that characterized this supposedly Gentlemen's game, one thing is for sure, the cradle of sportsmanship has definitely been rocked far and wide. It was Australia's 16th consecutive win, but now I'm beginning to doubt the manner in which they won the last 15. Gavaskar has always been against the "do-anything-to-win-spirit" of the Aussies and I agree with him today, wholeheartedly... Ponting had once critised Nikhil Chopra some 4 years back when he stood ground after the umpire didnt gave him out and he scripted out a brilliant win for India. But I say, why doesnt he practise what he preaches?? Wasn't it he only, who stood ground, and asked for a replay when he was unsure of his dismissal, and that too after the umpire had lifted the finger. Ditto Clarke. And ironically, it was these two honest players that were consulted when Ganguly's doubtful catch was in question. Credibility, where are thou???

Umpiring blunders have always been there, but if they occur against one side only, then something is surely rotten. And if this happens against the same side repeatedly, something is rotten and fishy as well. Umpiring, is a tough job, with super reflexes requiring you to check for a no-ball and you dont get even a second to decide a tough decision like LBW. Couple this with additional norms and one will agree, 61 years is simply not an age to perform this tedious task.

By the way, Harbhajan has been handed a 3 match ban for "allegedly" calling Symonds a "big-monkey". Well, definitely you can't clap with one hand. I wonder how come Symonds was let off the hook. Surely he wasnt just spectating at that time. And of course, the match referee Mike Proctor thought it was cool when Brad Hogg called someone B*****d in the Indian team. Mark this, this is no racism, the aussie way...

Current Scenario : Aussies lead the series 2-0. Anil Kumble, without being on the offensive, very well said, "It was there for all to see". Boy... He has made us all proud. The Indian team didn't lose, at least for me. To hell with the 16th consecutive win. The tour is suspended right now, because ICC and the match referee has hit us where it hits the most. Cricket. One billion people love the sport. Aussies, do remember what happened last time you challenged a spin king from Sri Lanka. You were torn apart. And then they were only 20 Lacs. You might be the champs, but just one request, play the game like the champs do. Period.

If you want to comment on how India was done in by the dreaded finger, please click here. And yeah, the man of the match is Steve Bucknor without doubt...

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Shootout at Lokhandwala - Whats right and whats wrong?

My Take on the "underworld"

Recently I had seen this new bollywood flick "Shootout at Lokhandwala" which fell into the general cops vs gangsters category (like its predecessor "Company" by RGV). However, this particular effort by the Director Apurva Lakhia and his entire production crew was something really extraordinary and done with meticulous efforts. It is based upon the real-life police shootout led by Mumbai Police Inspector Aftab Ahmed Khan at Lokhandwala Complex on November 16, 1991. The leading protagonists in the film have slightly different names than their real-life counterparts and the film caption is "based on true rumours."

The "Real" Story

The film, as told earlier revolves around a particular time frame of 1991 which was a significat period in the history of Mumbai Police. The ATS or the Anti terrorist squad formed by Aftab Ahmed Khan, the then Police Chief, was a force of about 30 to 35 selected brave and courageous police officers in Mumbai, India. This Squad had stopped several attacks in the country. After its formation in 1990, ATS's officers won 23 gallantry awards. Its worthwhile to note that the encounter victims count rose from 12 to 53 in 2 yrs after its inception, making it a strong fear in the criminal syndicate of the city.

The Lokhandwala Complex was an upper end middle-class housing area in Andheri, Mumbai, where Shiv Sena criminal-politician Gopal Rajwani had purchased a flat for mega-mobster Dawood Ibrahim. On November 16, 1991, Dawood henchmen Maya Dolas and Dilip Bhuwa, along with four others, were in this apartment when they were surrounded by Khan.

The ensuing fourteen hour shootout, much of it publicized live on news channels, made Khan a household name.About the actual event, Khan has said: "Maya was abusing me a lot when we went to capture him. I asked him to surrender, yet he abused me nonstop. He had escaped from police custody earlier and had created fear in the minds of people."

However, Khan was subsequently accused of having carried out the murder on behalf of Dawood Ibrahim, from whose gang Maya Dolas and Dilip Buwa were said to have defected in 1989. The defection by these two Hindu gangsters, together with Chhota Rajan's alienation, led to the increasing Muslim polarization of Dawood Ibrahim's D-Company gang, and eventually, the 12 March 1993 Bombay Bombings.

It was alleged that Dawood had tipped off Khan about the whereabouts of Maya and Buwa, leading to the shootout. Allegations were also levelled that the anti-terrorist squad (ATS) which had participated in the encounter had made off with Rs. 70 lakh cash found with Maya Dolas. Khan himself was also charged with corruption. Four inquiries were instituted against Khan, and although he was cleared in three of them, his controversial reputation remains. Khan has rejected these allegations, saying "Those were Dawood's men that I killed in that encounter", but reports in the media do indicate that these men may have parted company with Dawood Ibrahim. Although all the allegations were cleared, the ATS was dissolved on humanitarian grounds since it had become an evil facade for the corrupt cops who used it as to masquered as law enforcers in the guile of gangsters.

Soon after its closure in the mid 1993, the tragedy of the December 1993 blasts happened in the country leading to a dilemma whether the scrapping of ATS was worth or not?

Back to the Question

Now that one has got a clear idea of what the entire incident is about, I will like to pose a few queries which have haunted me for some days and given some sleepless nights.

1) How much ethically correct it was to scrap such an integral part of our social protection system like Anti Terrorist Squad, just on the premise that they dared to be "different" to pursue their goals of total annihilation of terrorism from the financial capital of the country? Its important to note that their actually was a 70 % reduction in crime rates involving extortion, murders etc during that regime.

2) Given the current scenario of increasing terrorist and naxalite activities, are we
content with the army and the BSF (Border Security force) operating at the fences of nation?

3) Considering the other view, how much morally correct was the ATS when it decided to literally eliminate the evil from its root instead of giving a second chance, i.e. there were many cases when someone was "encountered" even when they were ready to surrender?

The very purpose of the ATS was endangered when a criminal was sent to the judiciary, from where he could easily buy his way out to freedom, thanks to the corrupt bribe infected system of law enforcement that we inhabit in. This was the reason pouted by the specialist officers to justify their killings. However, sometimes innocent people are also killed in the line of fire or due to lack of proper information, evidence, timing and planning of such dangerous operations. Hence its imperative for us to decide which of the lesser evil we want to control our society - whether its the "trigger happy" gangsters or the "spare none in between" squads like these. The choice lies in the hands of people of India, since ours is a democratic country and the question can be answered by us and us alone, as pointed out by Dia Mirza in the movie. The intricacies involved in the love hate relationship of the cops-gangsters and mafia nexus is beyond of the scope of this article, but it is something that one must dig out for.

I would like to end this stub with the following quote,

"You arrest 'em, You catch 'em, you clean 'em. On second thoughts, forget the arresting part." - Al Capone

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